"One starts an action simply because one must do something."
- T.S. Eliot
After waking up at seven, I have yet to accomplish anything other than eating finally at nine. I didn't feel like eating but to stay on schedule put out by SFL, I had to eat by nine so I can eat at twelve (keeping with my two to three hour period).
Once I finally put some food into my stomach I did go thru some of my sketch books and look at some old notes and what not. Noticed that all my drawing texts must be at Moms, packed away safely. I tried to doodle but the pencil and paper just aren't feeling right today so I have put them aside again in hopes that I don't frustrate myself anymore than I've been feeling yesterday and the start of today.
I know that I need to get moving so that I can get things done for the day, because of this I ran a sink full of the hottest water possible so that by the time I am ready, it's ready for me.
On the plus side the logo job seems to be coming to a close which is nice for my peace of mind and for my wallet as well as the meeting that I will be having next week. I'm really looking forward to it but I'm not sure what, if anything will come of it. I'm thinking of it only as a meet and greet and if something else were to happen that that is just icing on the cake.
I will be going in to workout today after lunch, fingers crossed that the chemicals that are released will put me into a better mood. Last night, I felt as though I could just scream at the top of my lungs. Usually I like to think of myself as a people person but I just wanted to be along with no one whispering thoughts in my ears. My brain is going a mile a minute and I feel like it hasn't slowed down. The majority of the time this blog is to put out whats going on, to make an accountability for myself but other times it's to put whats going on down on paper so I can work thru whats going on, not just in my head. I don't always need someone telling me how to fix things. I spend 24/7 here, I'm well aware of what shit fest I'm in and what I've tried to get out of it. Trev and I even had a bit of a tiff last night and the poor guy walked to work so that I could sleep and have the car whenever I decided to head to the gym.
I don't know if its the weight-loss and hormones building up but I just feel like my emotions are all over the place. Things that usually wouldn't matter are setting me off and I fear that I'm setting unsuspecting bystanders on fire. For this I apologize if I have hurt anyone elses feelings out there. I wish to soon show up with a bucket of water and douse you. I just need a moment to work this out on my own. Thank you for the offering of your hand but for the near future I need to hang onto the side of this cliff by myself, hormones, thoughts, tears and all.
It would almost be easier if my name was Alice and I was able to speak to myself on the other side of the looking glass. Would it be the USA? Would the other chubby chick be struggling with the same things? Perhaps she'd have all the answers for me. Or maybe she'd just cry... The caterpillar was obese, maybe I'll start there.
Here's hoping that with the return of sunshine my mood improves and more answers will develop inside myself as well as my surroundings. I swear sometimes I feel as though I am solar powered and when I'm surrounded by rain and dark clouds all I want to do is shovel the largest basket of pad thai into my face, drink no water and spend the morning watching My Strange Addiction.Yet here I am: tired, one liter of water, refusing to eat Thai. The only part of it that I did do was watch the show. I will now move my behind to change into workout clothes and do the dishes before I leave. Sorry but I have no energy to proof read or edit this. Please forgive grammar or any wrong doings in the spelling area.
A curvy lady, not a curvy worm,
